Being Joy
Completing Our 30-Day Pilgrimage into Joy!
Days 38: We Arrive at the Shores of Joy
Yesterday I did not make a Joy post here because I was too busy—too busy being Joy.
This may sound like an oxymoron to you and perhaps it is, but it makes perfect sense to me. Allow me to explain myself.
In the last week, knowing full well that our formal Pilgrimage into Joy was coming to an end, I doubled my efforts. I dove deep. I honed in on what was going on with me. I took my Joy temperature, observed my thoughts and emotions like a Joy scientist, and gave myself completely over to Joy's transformative powers.
I dove headlong into inner junk. At first, the dive was very murky, mucked up with all kinds of ego messages about who I am and what I should be doing with my life; how to spend my time wisely, intentionally; how to best be in relationship with others. I could barely see the sludge was so thick ...
"Believe, breathe, and be well," were the words that kept coming to me, even in this dull state. These words have become a mantra for me over the years. When anything strikes—worry, anger, even sleeplessness—they have the effect of magic words upon me, easing my mind and opening my heart.
And so I did ... believed, breathed, and I was well. In fact, I was more than well. I was "healed."
This is not a new journey for me. Whenever I have set my intentions to fully embrace a new aspect of my truest self, all-the-while vowing to let go of anything that might prevent me from doing so, healing magic has happened.
~In 1994, I desired inner peace more than anything else. I was at the end of my rope, beyond stressed, and rapidly losing my health. I ached for inner peace. I prayed and begged for it. When my heart was full-to-overflowing with this desire, and I had arrived at the place of which diarist Anais Nin spoke ...
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful
than the risk it took to blossom."
... the gateway to inner peace finally opened up. All manner of things lined up to provide what I needed to walk through and live in a bold, new way.
I discovered the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh and the poetry of Rumi. I fell in love with "God" and the inner peace that divine connection brings. In what felt like a single, illuminating moment on a solitary beach on Lake Michigan, a deep and profound understanding of peace was finally mine.
~In 1998, I set my sights on Love, Big Love, with a spiritual partner. I longed for Love in the form of a conscious intimate relationship. By engaging my deep desire, "doing the work of self," and surrendering to the Divine, Love found its way to my door.
And so it has happened again, this process of pairing intention with letting go. This time the result is Joy.
I was driving in the car. A funny place for Joy to arrive, but after all, who are we to question Divine Timing?
The previous 72 hours had, perhaps, been the most mindful I'd ever experienced. It began with preparations for the 4th of July weekend and the post (July 3) I created around that. Noticing big messages and deep patterns that were keeping me from JOY. I set the intention to finally, finally, finally break through them. Then I let go ...
I found myself fully and completely present to what was. Present to all of it. To the highs, the lows. To the happiness, the sadness. To the ease, the tension, and it was all absolutely fine. In fact, it was wonderful. It was one of the best weekends of my life because I was fully there ... fully present. No struggle ... no struggle.
Then yesterday, as I was driving alone in the car, no radio, no distractions, I suddenly noticed an "alrightness," a perfection of the world, of my life as it was. I had a sensation of deep settling in, centering, in the core of my being. It is difficult for me to put words to the experience. Suffice it to say that all the "virtues" of the Spirit of which we speak—Love, Peace, Gratitude, Generosity, Wonder, Harmony, and Joy, came to call.
The peace was so deep, my ego wanted to jump in to make me not trust it. A thought came, "Am I dying?" Then another, "Did I take too much of my high blood pressure medication?" I actually felt for the pulse in my neck to see if I was alive and breathing normally. My ego-self questioned, doubted, what I was actually feeling.
Blessedly, in that pivotal moment, the Voice I have come to trust as my own (Spirit's own) whispered, ever so gently:
"This is Peace. This is Love. This is the Joy you have been longing for.
This is what being alive is supposed to feel like."
So I listened. I accepted. I embraced the feeling and reveled it in. I knew it to be true. A great Truth. We are made for JOY.
Joy is here to stay. And I'd venture to say it is not going anywhere anytime soon. I am ever so grateful.
My Pilgrimage is over.
And yet, I know the journey will continue. It always does ...
For the world will offer up its sorrow, its discord, for that is the nature of the world. It will be up to me to continually reorient myself toward Joy when it does; to remember that Joy lives and breathes in me. Joy does not come and go or disapear. If anything, I am the one who will move away from its bounty or succumb to spiritual amnesia. When I get pulled out of this sense of "alrightness," I vow to have compassion for myself and turn my face, once again, toward Joy.
I invite you to stay faithful, too, to your own journey and not allow Joy to slip away or to be an infrequent visitor. I invite you to continue to investigate and release anything that prevents you from fully experiencing Joy and its twin sisters—Love, Peace, Gratitude, Generosity, Wonder, Harmony and more. You are made for Joy. Each and every one of us. No exceptions.
Though our formal Pilgrimage into Joy at this blog has come to an end, I invite you to continue on. Rest assured, we will journey together, for this is what kindred spirits do ...
May you believe, breathe, and be well.
May you live in Joy. May you "Be Joy" for all the world to see, for the world to heal by.
And, as always, I welcome your thoughts ...
~~~~~
(Image courtesy of http://www.dimc.net)
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21 comments:
Hello, dear Jan!
This was wonderful! Your description of your journey up to the minute you wrote this post was such a Joy to read.
:0)
One thought I had from the beginning of this post, all the way to the end, was how often we find just what we need when we are ready for it. I don't remember the specific quote I'm thinking of. It's something like, "When the student is ready to learn, the teacher arrives."
I feel that way quite often lately, especially since I've started reaching out to people all over the world via Blogland. I'm finding wonderful people, and am inspired in ways, that my day-to-day life just doesn't give me the opportunity to find.
You are a precious gift to so many - you are a precious gift to me.
Hugs,
Angela
Jan, the experience you described is one I've felt often. I would feel this deep urge of peace and joy and then I would think "Oh no, I'm about to die now!" I now know that is not true and am learning very quickly to accept those moments and even write them down, so that I'll never forget them.
Simply beautiful.
Letting go of the familiar struggle is the hardest thing to do and yet it is essential to our very survival. The rope we hold onto with such tenacity is often pulling us further into the murky depths where we will surely drown. So, hard to do, and often it is when we realize we have no breath left to sustain us and we finally surrender to what feels like certain death, that we begin to truly live.
*Blessings*
Carolynn
(p.s. my word verification is "irock". :o)) I do believe I'll embrace that today.
Oh how lovely it is here. I feel at home.
Yes, the journey always continues, if we expect it to, or not. One day we just realize the ups and downs were part of the path.
I am in love with your space here.
Thank you for your incredibly kind words.
Peace~
Angela,
I believe the quote is, "When the student is ready the teacher will appear," and it is an ancient Hindu teaching. And one I subscribe to as well. I am glad to hear that so many wonderful opportunities have come to you through Blogland. Me too. The feeling of blessedness is mutual, my friend.
Tabitha,
Shall we name our mutual experiences GRACE? I think so! I just love how the Universe fueled by Divine Love works...
Carolynn,
Ah, yes, letting go. So hard to do for many of us. Such profound results when we do though. When I let go of what I think I "should" do and surrender to just be-ing with what is, that may be the most powerful one of all. I am still amazed though how resistance and spiritual amnesia can set in... Always more to learn...
"Then yesterday, as I was driving alone in the car, no radio, no distractions, I suddenly noticed an 'alrightness,' a perfection of the world, of my life as it was."
yes, the pilgrimage to joy has no end... the work is to hold the point... can we hold and maintain and not turn back outward?...to remain within that place of perfection and continue to turn inward toward higher value... it's easy to do when everything is outwardly going "right" or as we think it "should" be in our own created mythology of what life should be like... to embrace with joy all that is, to be a lover of truth, of what is... that is for me, the practice... of joy...
for Tabitha...
what if you could live in that spot all the time, and not just have moments of them for remembering later? ... what if there were a way to practice so that joy is something constant in our lives, regardless of circumstance or thought or emotion or even highs or lows?... the wonderful news is, i have faith we can... we all can...
(with practice, practice, practice...)
Jan this is so very profound and beautiful! Funny how our ego wants to come in and break through our joy. I find joy in driving (when I am alone). I have some amazing healing CD's that I play...I find such inner peace in the car...lol. I think that your pilgrimage is just beginning. I look forward to joining you in more of your journeys... Much peace to you.
Thank you for the blessing of this post. It is like a cool drink of spring water, a deep breath of fresh air...I feel so content in my skin and happy for your joy, and secure in the knowledge that it is there for each of us. The world simply feels brighter. xo, ingrid
I am overjoyed to read about your recent journey. You faced the waves of fear and loss of joy, and realized that this is a part of life. You stayed open to the sea of tranquility that followed when you allowed your thoughts and feelings to be without regret. I see a woman who undertands her patterns of suffering and returning again to the well of compassionate love within. You spread joy and love just by being true to your own experience. I feel such gratitude for the invitation to be with you on your journeys away from and back to joy! Let's do it.
In reading your post, and Caroline's response, I thought it interesting how we find that sense of joy, peace, presence, in the car. I do that sometimes too. Funny how when we are "journeying" forth, traveling to a destination, we come upon it, no? Anyway, it's been a wonderful joy journey, with lots of reminders and inspiration to keep joy with us. Thanks for taking us along on the ride!
What a wonderful and healing path you have traveled Jan. Your account is so vivid and honest that I felt as if I was sitting next to you.
Thank you for sharing your journey to Joy and your commitment to living with it.
Thank you too for inspiring me to stay faithful to my own journey and to snuggle up close to joy, to believe, breathe and be well. I printed your mantra and posted it in my kitchen. That is where I am more likely to succumb to the temptation to forsake joy in the flurry of chores and frustrations.
May the blessings of joy and peace and love be yours in overflowing measure.
thanks for sharing, Jan - for encouraging me to press on and know that there is joy in the journey.
Linda
I have been moved with your post and thought to drop you a line.. very inspirational place.
~Silver
Reflections/
One Day at a Time with Silver
Very interesting what revelations and peace can come to us while driving. What an amazing 72 hours you must have reveled in. And it's aftershocks that will continue forever for you.
JOY rocks and ALWAYS will.
And hey, I have NOT forgotten about that real letter I'll be sending you. And I know your e-mail is to be answered. (I'm a bit slow with e-mail.) :)
xo
Hope your blood pressure is okay?
This is truly a beautiful post. I am going to adopt your mantra "believe, breath and be well" Thank you.
Christina,
Thank you for stopping by! (I very much liked the energy of your site too.) May your journey continue to be blessed. :-)
Joanne,
What you said about "holding the point" is so right on. No matter what happens, if we can keep our eyes on the stillpoint within (or vary from it as little as possible, for as short a time as possible), then we seem to continue ever onward. Love it!
Caroline,
I agree that being in the car provides some form of semi-hypnotic state. We are more open and receptive. I keep a pad and pencil in the car for just such occasions! Did you ever read the book, "My Monastery is a Mini-Van?" It's quite fun. :-)
Ingrid,
You are so welcome. You have brought so much joyful inspiration into my life. Words of gratitude seem inadequate. :-)
Joanne,
I love how you carried this metaphor forth on journeying, traveling, especially in light of living as our truest selves...our choice lives. :-) I have enjoyed journeying with you, too. Quite the ride!
Jan, I am sorry to have missed much of this series as it was written - as you know I have been on a different kind of journey this month. But this was a beautiful post to return too, and joy as 'what being alive is meant to feel like' I can relate too, even in the midst of pain. Thanks so much for sharing such a powerful and deep experience, and I look forward to connecting to your prior posts at a later time. XOXO Lisa
thank you so much Jan -- much wisdom to follow here:)
Cheryl,
Snuggle up to joy, oh, I like that! It is an amazing journey, isn't it, taking us to such glorious inner landscapes. I am very glad we are traveling together...And the kitchen as distraction, I do get that one. Best to stay away, eh? :-)
Linda,
You are most welcome. Just so glad you are visiting here and allowing all the energy to fill you up. Blessings!
Silver,
Thank you for stopping in. Nice to have you here and glad the post resonated. I stopped by your blog too and am holding you in heart and prayer during this healing time. Please, believe, breathe, and be well.
Jannie,
We must be open to where the joy finds US, right? While driving, or at the water's edge, or while cleaning the basement (ok, that one was a stretch!) but I know you know what I mean. It is all about receptivity...and willingness...and readiness. I will look forward to that letter!
Marjean,
Thank you! So nice of you to stop by and leave a thought. Yes, feel free to adopt my mantra. And be happy!
Lisa,
Welcome back! I do believe that the presence of JOY can be felt even in difficult times, loss especially. We can take joy in the love/friendship that was ours, even briefly. May this healing time be a gentle one for you.
Susan,
Hi there. Of course, wisdom is a relative thing but this "topic" does seem to have Truth (with a capital "T") written all over it. Blessings!
Mermaid,
Your words are very kind. It is vital on this journey into our truest self that we are able to face any fears we might have. But, as you say, when we do dive into self-exploration, so often it is not as bad as we think. We can surf with it, breathe through it, and, before we know it, we are sailing free.
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