Joy Lost, Joy Found
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Days 35-36: We Connect with "Simple" to Maintain Our Joy
I have company coming for the holiday and I’m watching what my ego-mind wants to do with that. It wants to send me into overwhelm:
“Oh, there is too much to do and you don’t have enough time.”
“Your house will take hours to clean it.”
“And don’t forget the grocery shopping, which you hate. Fit that in, plus the stores are going to be really busy.”
“So much to cook! And you better get on the internet to find some new recipes because yours are really old and boring.”
Enough! my wise mind says, the part of me that is sourced in the Spirit and who knows how to tap into “simple.”
Simple, to me, says Joy. It allows me to say no to the voice of overwhelm or those nasty “shoulds.” It speaks of ease and peace of body, mind, and heart. Simple means effortless, painless. When I am simple, I am calm, clear and wise. I am still learning …
You see, I am a recovering perfectionist, people pleaser, and Super Woman. I’ve written about this often over the years. But, honestly, I am not cured of these woes—yet! I am a work in progress. Company coming sends me into a tailspin of old patterns and messages. It takes conscious effort, keeping myself awake and aware, for me to see these nasties on the march and head them off at the pass.
When I don’t or can’t, they steal my Joy. I am not present with my family. I get caught up in being Martha Stewart and spending all my energy worrying and fussing. I am not “here” to en-Joy such fleeting, pleasurable times with the people I love.
So this year I caught myself. (Hooray!)
The house is fine. I’ll straighten up and lightly clean. No inspectors are coming.
I’ve cleared my afternoon and have plenty of time to shop, plus I don’t have that much to buy.
The menu is fine. Simple picnic foods. Minimal prep required. No new recipes.
Everyone is bringing something and we do not need to stuff ourselves and overeat.
Wow, do I feel better! It’s amazing how we can shift our thoughts and get in touch with wise mind. With recognition, a few breaths, and gentleness to self we can let go of the old and invite in the new.
And because I love words, I am going to give my journey to simple a new name. I pulled out my trusty Writer’s Thesaurus and found some great options. I could call it “Child’s play,” or any number of wonderful titles:
Easy As Pie
Piece of Cake
A Cinch
Duck Soup
No Sweat
Kid’s Stuff
Cracker-Barrel
Oh, this is fun!
I found one. It’s perfect for me. I’m going to rename my “Company’s company so get overwhelmed” journey as “A Breeze.” I just love that. No more Joy-stealing when company knocks at my door!
When I think of “A Breeze,” there is room to breathe, and there is a feeling of spaciousness all around it. And spaciousness is more of what I need if I am going to continue to embrace my truest, most wise and loving self.
How about you?
How does “simple” speak to you? Do you struggle with keeping things simple? Do certain scenarios, expectations, or old patterns steal your Joy?
What Joy-full new name would you like to give your life journey today?
I'm eager to hear ...
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(Image courtesy of http://www.apartmenttherapy.com)
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15 comments:
I can SO relate. I wasn't brought up in a home that did much entertaining. I'm also a Patti Perfect, so having company over, even just one couple, would send me into a tailspin. I don't cook, my home is too small, it'll never be good enough, fancy enough, blah, blah...
Until I stopped and thought about all the times I went over to other's homes that were studio apartments and dinner was served buffet style and we ate off our knees and drank wine from coffee mugs. I never noticed any of that stuff. I was there to be with my friends and enjoy their company. The rest of it was just an excuse to be there.
I still get stressed out and I don't entertain much as a rule. When I do, I find it helps if I plan a menu ahead of time and write it out (doesn't have to be fancy and nothing that isn't tried & true). Then, when I go 'brain dead' in a moment of overwhelm, it helps me to refocus.
I love your re-naming idea. A Breeze works well for me too. What a great visual!
Enjoy your weekend. Remember, they're there for you, not the mini gerkins. ;o)
Yes, I too fret when company is over. In fact, I think I worry about many things. I love your "A Breeze" phrase. It reminds me of the wind rustling leaves on the branch of a tree. They aren't moving in fear, but dancing with acceptance and joy. May you enjoy the 4th and the company. May you always come back to yourself and to joy.
OMG-such a lightbulb between my last mission and this post!!! Doing it imperfectly makes way for JOY!!! I'm totally getting this now. You are so right that when I get hung up on all the stuff and doing it perfectly, I'm definitely not feeling the joy. Keeping it simple and doing it imperfectly-linked back in to joy.
thank you for this post. So inspiring and encouraging!
Jan,
We were going to have a party for the fourth and I forgot to invite people! lol.... talk about simple! We just went down to the beach and swam. I was looking around (in between the pages of reading YOUR LOVELY BOOK I might add) and checking out the picnics and people gathering, feeling as if perhaps I am often missing out on the company of others. Then, it occured to me that I really love the quiet life.
I was just reading a great post by Christine Kane on 6 Irresistable Reasons to Stop Explaining Yourself and she spoke of the self-empowerment gained with letting yourself just be with life without the need to explain it away. So this is me. I am celebrating the fourth with the two people that I love the most - Eric and Tatia - and fully enjoying myself in the process!
This is wonderful! (How did it go, by the way?!)
I have a wedding coming up, which I'm in, and I can already sense myself worrying about if my shoes will be right, hair will look good, how to get my makeup just so. I had to step back and remind myself that NO ONE CARES but me.
"Down, ego!" Fingers crossed I can stay in that frame of mind and just have a blast from the time I get up that morning to the time I fall exhausted into bed.
I always second-guess myself, stress myself and criticize myself. I try to keep things simple, but I just can't relax. There's always something I feel I haven't done, or at least haven't done well enough.
But I keep trying!
:0)
I hope everything turned out well, and you were able to relax and enjoy your weekend!
When you have a moment, please drop by my blog to pick up a very special award
Hugs,
Angela
Fantastic post! I was raised by a wonderful hostess who used her team of children well to get through the list of jobs that needed to be done before guests arrived (why sweep out the garage, because the guests might peak in there?). It has taken me a while to recognise that I don't have to entertain the way Mum did - I've tried to take the best of her style (generosity, relaxed menus and settings) and to lose what wasn't serving me (whole house cleaned including floors and windows) so that I can enjoy my friend's company without overwhelm. I love the phrase "a breeze" for simplicity!
Jan, simple is my code word! Even in the title of my book: Simply Color. This because I truly believe that truth is simple. Like you, I've given up the voice of perfection when I came to accept that the reason we get together is not to enjoy the perfectly kept home, the perfectly prepared food, the perfectly set table, but to enjoy the company of friends and family. since I've changed my thinking, I enjoy company so much more! I love how you are reframing how you think of company! I love "A breeze!" It feels great! thank you for sharing this! xo
I relate too, big time. It helps me so much to stay in the moment and bring focus and joy to every task. Simple to me is being present, when I do that eveything works out perfectly. Saying no to that ego voice is the way to go :-).
I have not entertained in my home for a long time because of all the 'shoulds' that creep into my head. I have recently replaced the word should with the word could. Could doesn't sound so serious.
I will be having a party with family in August. It will definitely be a more joyful party. No 'shoulds' allowed.
I would rename my life journey "embraceable me".
I take cues from my dear mother-in-law -- this year she had a 4th of July party for about 40 people. She hired a caterer to do simple picnic food so she didn't have to cook and we all ate from paper plates and drank from plastic cups. The family had such fun just being together -- that was the focus. We all helped to clean up -- it was perfect.
I really enjoyed my visit to your blog today -- thank you:)
Hi All!
It has been a very busy holiday weekend in my sector of the shore. Guests just left a few hours ago. Thought I'd fill you in on my progress, for progress there was!
I was relaxed. Yep, throughout the whole weekend, despite a whirlwind of cooking and gabbing and taking in some of the big festivities which begin here in early July. Cherries! (Though there are none to be found yet...) In fact, I don't know if I ever felt this relaxed, yet focused, totally and completely present, with not an angsty ego anywhere in sight. It was glorious!
"A breeze" worked for me and since so many of you resonated with it (evidenced by your comments here) I would highly recommend adopting as your new mantra too.
This also helped me stay cool and keep my nose to the joy trail: My 80-year-old mother whom I adore was here. I have vowed to savor all the time I have left with her. No, she is not going anywhere soon. But she is aging, really slowing down, in fact, and I am thoroughy enjoying going slow right alongside her. I walked slow, sat down (with her) more often, listened, and relished our time together.
So it was a glorious weekend and I hope yours was too!
Carolynn,
Your noticings are great. It IS all about "being there" with loved ones, complete with wine in coffee cups.
Mermaid,
Yes, dancing with acceptance and joy. Lovely! I'll take it. :-)
Brandi,
I LOVE lightbulb moments. Glad I could be part of yours. We're glowing together.
Amy,
Your beach day sounds awesome. The quiet life IS oh, so grande, especially shared with two kindred souls...
Megan,
I am going to hold on to that image: fingers crossed, "Down ego!" on my lips. Love it! It sounds as if the wedding is going to provide you with the freedom your spirit longs for...
Angela,
Oh, we need to talk! You sound like me about 15 years ago and I can tell you all that inner pressure really took its toll. I hope you can continue to relax into perfection as things are. :-)
And thank you again for the lovely honor. You are too kind. I accept it humbly and gratefully. :-)
Marianne,
The phrase "take what you want and leave the rest" certainly speaks volumes about living simple. I appreciate how you recognize what you'd like to incorporate and what won't work for you. Measure all that up to what serves our spirit best, and we have a winning combination!
Diantha,
This is quite the journey isn't it? To reclaim our most holy and whole selves? To strip away all that is inauthentic--all we may do for praise or pleasing or out of "shoulds." I love that you are recovering too. :-)
Annie,
You summed it up so well. Stay in the present and say 'No Thanks!' to that pesky ego. Living in this way we are deeply connected to our spirit and our purpose...Glad you are...
Jill,
I am so glad to hear this! And now you have a whole month to pay attention to when the Shoulds come to call so you can uninvite them! En-JOYing your company would be most marvelous.
Susan,
Delegation is key. So is relaxing our standards. I know it may sound silly, but I abhor paper plates. But this year I refused to do all those dinner plates, snack and dessert plates. I found some wonderful plates that are disposable and/or reusable. I made my apologies to Mother Earth this time (we do recycle everything we can, literally!) and appreciated the freedom they brought...Glad you did too.
Hi Jan, I'm glad you had a wonderful weekend! I loved this post and can completely relate. I think a longing for simple in the summer is a recipe for angst for me... my husband and kids are off from school- I am on an opposite schedule, working my heaviest show season- things get pretty crazed- sand, towels, shoes everywhere... cars in need of repair.... I love the term DUCK SOUP. Where does it come from? When I was growing up, my favorite general store in town was called Duck Soup- they had pickles in barrels and whimsical toys and colorful kitchen gadgets and fudge and long twists of red licorice and I loved the hustle bustle cluttered joy of it.... so I think I will take my cue from this post and rather than long for simple, rejoice in the duck soup happening around here!
Thank you for the inspirationl Love, Ingrid
Ingrid,
How wonderful that you recognize that this time of year for you must (by its very nature) be more loosey-goosey. Naming it as "Duck Soup" and going with the flow of it seems just the right choice. Like you, I would say no to summer angst. Savoring life as it comes seems like a much better option...
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