Greeting Wild Emotions with Equanimity - Especially During the Holidays!
“Equanimity” is one of my favorite words. I just love the sound of it ... especially during the holidays when it is easy to fall away from our peace and into more stressful mind states.
Equanimity. What prevents us from experiencing the mental balance that the word implies? Simply put, our wild mind does; its 60,000+ thoughts a day, most of which are negative; plus an entire spectrum of intense emotions that can grab us by the throat and heart in a nanosecond.
Equanimity can begin to take a foothold, however, when we awaken to the true nature of our thoughts. When we realize they are nothing more than just thoughts—a trail of words put together. And, that they can change from minute to minute. Thoughts can come and go as quickly as a commuter train, or linger awhile like an annoying neighbor. Thoughts are just thoughts, and when we begin to realize that we can actually work with them, navigate them, instead of allowing them to drive us, our lives begin to change.
What if, when a negative thought whooshed in, accompanied by its companion—a wild emotion—we were able to do something other than get swept away by them?
Try this Practice for Equanimity
The next time an emotion-laden thought knocks upon the door of your psyche, imagine greeting it at the threshold, just as you would an actual visitor. Notice who is there (a tumultuous thought or emotion). Then name the thought/emotion. Ah, jealousy. Ah, irritation. Ah, worry.
Next, say, silently or aloud: “Hello. It was nice of you to pay a visit, but I don’t think I want to play today.” Then, shut the door and move on, stepping back into the equanimity you were feeling before this pesky visitor came to call.
The act of naming the tumultuous thought or emotion actually disempowers it. Naming, releases its bluster and force, just like letting the air out of a balloon. In a few moments, the balloon/emotion can fizzle down to nothing. Naming, then distancing ourself from the thought/emotion, creates a window of time and space whereby we can see more clearly how it is that we get lured in.
This is a very powerful process, and one that can have a life-changing effect upon us, but it does take practice. With time, intention, and right effort, we can create new relationships with all of our emotions; moving away from those that keep us rooted in anger, fear, or worry; reorienting us toward those that are sourced in peace, love, and joy. Every day of our life can be more peace-filled, no matter what visitor comes, with an equanimity practice such as this. Inner peace remains a matter of choice—ours.
May your holiday season be blessed — and full of equanimity!
As always, I welcome your thoughts ...
(Image courtesy of www.boston.com)
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23 comments:
Thank you Jan, I really needed this today.xoxo
Ah yes, the (dare I say it?) Dreaded Holiday Season.
I'm feeling the pressure build like steam inside a kettle with a tightly fitted lid, already.
I'll have to try this "I already gave at the office" approach. I've done the "Thank you for sharing" paired with the fake smile approach, but I like your method better. Don't even let the pesky buggers in the door.
Hi Jan!
Wow, 60,000 thoughts a day - no WONDER I'm tired all the time!
I LOVE the "meet and greet" approach to the negatives and stress thoughts. I so believe in that! It really works. If we can't embrace it, at least acknowledging it really causes it's power to dissipate almost immediately! Spot on, you are!!!! Have a yummy for your tummy Thanksgiving!
Hugs
suZen
O my gosh, Jan-- this is brilliant and I am going to journal it in my book of inspiration and put it into practice. Wow.
You know, I always wondered how it is that binding something with a Name could be beneficial and here is the answer. Thank you again for posting such a helpful practice for us.
Peace~
Dawn
Annie,
So welcome, dear hearted one. :-) Be well.
Carolynn,
Yes, I feel it building too. And a few buttons being pushed already in regards to family matters. Sigh...Naming is good. Releasing is better. Being kind and compassionate to self is the prize. May we all breathe on in peace...
SuZen,
Those persistent and many thoughts can be exhausting. :-) I am glad that this process resonated with you. It is all about releasing the energy or not letting it build in the first place. Naming, for me, works wonders. Hope this helps keep the Thanksgiving day a heart-centered one.
Dawn,
Great idea, to put this in a journal where you can keep checking back in with it. My heart is happy that this will assist you in living with greater ease. Naming is a very powerful process. Takes the mystery and mayhem out of everything...
Bountiful holidays to all!!!
Isn't it ironical that the holidays, the time to remember our spirituality, is the most stressful time for so many people.
I think the key is to remember who we really are. Who is greeting thoughts? Me -- as a soul. As a soul, we are complete.
Akemi
Your last sentence sums it all up so well Jan really one word...CHOICE. our equanimity is a matter of choice.
beautifully written as always dear one.
gentle steps,
Laura
Jan, thank you for this post. I, too, like the word equanimity - the sound of it and all those syllables that mean remaining calm and undisturbed. The image of answering the door, recognizing a negative thought, and saying "no thank you" is priceless. With that word and that image I have a chance at equanimity during these holidays. This is my family's first Thanksgiving in 29 years without all of our children at the table, and we already miss the one who is elsewhere. I strive for composure and pray to find the blessing.
Right now I am having a pleasant thought. Reading you is like listening to a good dharma talk:)
Cool! I like this approach. The meet and greet. I would have thought that by naming an emotion, you'd be giving it more power, rather than less. But I can see that with your balloon analogy, you can watch the air hiss out of it and the emotion fade.
I will remember this next time a get a frightening or worried emotion.
what a delightful word for the week!
the silly season is so full of emotive punch, dealing with family, work and community connections, all demanding special events, special focus, special spending
other people's expectations swirl around until Christmas becomes a storm in a teacup, instead of a season of peace and goodwill
Akemi,
Welcome! Beautiful thoughts...Yes, I agree, the irony is profound. Perhaps we should write a guide to relaxing through the holidays. :-) It IS about remembering who we really are in our essence—love, peace, joy, and more—and living each day as best we can through that essence.
Laura,
Choice, yes it is true. And something I know you are faithful to, esp. in relation to your illness. I know that you have to choose your mindset every moment, considering the pain and discomfort you deal with. (Not to mention fear-based thoughts or worry.) May we choose higher, wisely, even when it is difficult—especially when it is difficult! "Breathe in calm, breathe our peace...."
Sharon,
I am glad that you can hold onto this image and let it guide you. Wonderful! Images always help me that way, too. May your holiday without your special one be one of equanimity--especially being at peace within yourself about all the emotions that arise. Compassion for self, dear friend, is so key. May wee all hold ourselves in compassion during emotionally tumultuous times.
Wendy,
Amazing how this works, and it does. You WOULD think that recognizing an emotion in this way would accelerate it, but it just doesn't. Of course, it also requires us shifting into neutral about it. Then dropping into compassion for ourselves. I do hope you will get it a try.
Kel,
Oh, yes, I know, I struggle with this one too. The commercialism, the pace, the expectations. That is why I vowed to make my holidays very simple years ago. Each year I decorate less, purchase less. Care less about what I receive. Otherwise it is all "too much," and it carries me away from the true meaning of the season—hospitality, love, peace, and more...
Well, naming the feeling is better than name-calling those around us! I, too, love the concept of equanimity. I heard Sharon Salzberg give a very moving talk on this practice a few years ago, and it stuck with me.
Thank you for this suggestion, Jan. I'm sure to use it tomorrow when I'm surrounded by family. (smile)
Enjoy your holiday!
How interesting - I hadn't read your post before I posted mine! Amazing synchronicity! Although from the comments I suspect a lot of us are feeling the same things this time of year! I like your image of greeting the thoughts and emotions at the threshold as visitors. John Wellwood (a Buddhist psychologist)speaks of it as coming to the edge of your experience, what ever it is, and just seeing it, just being with it. I find that sometimes even sitting with them (thoughts/emotions) a while and seeing what they want helps lesson the intensity - embracing whoever shows up as a lonely orphan who needs a hug. :) Christine
Megan,
Yes, this technique is pretty standard "Buddhist" practice, but images always work well for me. When my mind is rattled or rocked with emotion, calling upon a picture image helps. Another image I have is that the emotion is little green nasty gnome who is jumping up and down nearby to get my attention. He is so comical—I name him (anger, jealousy, impatience, etc.-and just seeing him act in this way to lure me in can ease everything. I hope you will be able to use this this holiday if things get tough. :-)
Christine,
So glad you commented because I did visit your post and it is wonderful -- and so similar. We are definitely kindred this way. Welwood's work is good. :-) I use another technique similar to what you share here, but mine is more just tenderly holding...I think I need to write about this soon.
It's a technique I often share in workshops and it's quiet effective. I call it "The Bowl."
We drop our strong emotion down into our lap and let it fall into a basket or bowl. That way we get to be its observer. We hold it tenderly, cradle it, then we can let it go. Your idea of the hug is very nice too. Hug and release. :-)
Hi Jan, Well the stuffing and the broccoli casserole are made, so I thought I'd take a moment to stop by and wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving ... Much peace and happiness to you!
Blessings to you, too, Joanne. I've got the squash precooked, pies made, and apple crisp in the oven. Have a lovely day with your family!
I'm actually getting pretty good at responding to my more negative emotions, just watching them and letting them go, whoo-hoo.
And a Happy Thanksgiving to you!!
xo
I truly look forward to trying this as I need it often. (:
I too like the rhythm of the word "equanimity" and I love the picture you have given me on greeting any stress that comes a knockin. I had never heard of the word before so I have been doing a bit of googling - very interesting. Thank you for introducing me to a new word.
Jannie,
This is great news! The more any of us can hold our tongues and let the emotions wash through, the better, eh? I am glad to hear this!
Tabitha,
I hope the image will help. :-) Blessings as always!
Davine,
Welcome! It's a lovely word, primarily found in Buddhist usage, as you may have discovered through a search. It offers up such a lovely feeling of ease and harmony.
Just the word "equanimity" itself sounds balanced, doesn't it? That's a great practice, greeting the emotion, naming it and closing the door. It reminds me of the yoga practice of scanning the body and just noting what's there without attaching to it. Also the yogic practice of Vairagya, non-attachment. Not just letting go, but not attaching to a negative feeling in the first place. I'm integrating vairagya more naturally with continued practice.
May we all have a holiday season of joyful equanimity!
Rose,
Yes, the word has such a magical sound! Your yoga practice sounds so rich and full. It seems to be taking you to amazing places of peace and joy—and equanimity!
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