Boxless Presents
As I write this, a white waltz of frigid snowflakes is taking place outside my window. And with that, my thoughts naturally turn to holiday preparations.
I adore the holidays and all the fond memories they bring, and because I enjoy them so, I am one of those women who likes to be organized and well prepared long before they arrive. And yet, there is a rustling inside of me that cautions me to not place so much attention on finding the perfect holiday gift for everyone.
Then I began to ponder what other intangible, “boxless” presents we might be able to give one another. What things mean the most to us? What would we like to receive from someone else? I know what I’d like to receive from the loved ones in my life—I’d like to be given the gift of their time. In my view, there is no better gift than being able to spend time with the people I love.
Time is a precious commodity these days. Moving at the pace we are, shouldering mountainous responsibilities, it's our free time that becomes unavailable. Our “To Do” lists seems endless. Could we create, instead, a “To Be” list—a roster of all the ways in which we can be with the important people in our lives, giving them the gift of our presence?
It’s interesting isn’t it—the similarity in the words? “Presents” and “presence”? Which would you prefer to receive? If present giving is at the top of your priority list, my hope for you this holiday season is that you will dig deeper than your pocketbook and creatively design some quality time—the gift of presence—for the important people in your life ... and that you will receive the same.
I'm wondering, whom would you like to gift more of your presence this year? And how would you do it? Is there someone whose presence YOU would like to receive?
I'll begin ...
Share This Post
21 comments:
Hi all,
I've been thinking a lot about this lately. My mother is now 80 and with each passing year, it seems her health gets a little more tenuous. I am very blessed to have a marvelous and very close relationship with her. She lives nearly 3 hours away from me, a doable drive, but I don't see her as often as I'd like. My wish this year is to give her more of my presence, if not in person, over the telephone (she loves to talk!), and via post. (She doesn't do e-mail.)
Whose presence would I like experience more of? Friends. Since I moved to a new city a few years ago (remarriage) friends have been hard to come by. Everyone is so busy! Especially mid-life women. So I have an intention to do my part to cultivate more late-in-life friendships. As we age, our friendships become invaluable...
How about you?
May the gift of presence be yours through the holidays and beyond. :-)
Hi Jan, if I could have the presence of my Grandma that would be all I need this Christmas. I told hubby I desired no material gifts. All I want is to go home and spend Christmas with our family. :)
I'm with you on Mother's Jan. Mine is weeks from being 90. She's not within driving distance but we have a standing date to talk by phone every Sunday and we e-mail daily. I need to get on a plane and go visit.
The present I'd like to receive is time with our Granddaughter. She's just become a teen and while she has been very close to us I wonder if that will continue. She had dinner with us last night and she and her Grandpa kept me in stitches - so far so good.
Darla
Hi Jan,
About seven years ago, I got fed up with the idea that Christmas was all about buying presents. I had one of those moments where I realized that Christmas was about love and so I began to bake cookies. I make the joke that it is some lovin from the oven. It takes so much time to make over a hundred cookies but the expressions on people's faces is so priceless. I love to see other people happy and something from the heart...made from the heart...always holds more value.
My experience of doing this has been so wonderful that when it comes to my birthday and anniversary, I do not want anyone to buy me anything. Just spending time together and having fun is the best present ever.
Very nice post, Jan... My mother is 81 and I've already started spending more one-on-one time with her. I know this is what she wants. I try to find little projects that we can do together, but that hasn't always worked. As I age I realize more and more that it's not about "me" - which allows me to move into a space that brings more ease with my mother, despite the mine field of wounds between us.
The "Boxless Present" that "I" would like is a felt sense of heart connection with others. Sometimes in the "non-dual" spiritual communities we get so focused on wrangling over the words - like - there really is no "me" - no self, no "I" - that wants, that we seem to lose a sense of heart connection - a feeling connection. We sometimes forget that all there is, is Love...
Heart Hugs :) - Christine
It appears we have another thing in common dear Jan, 'quality time' as a love language :) The gift of 'time' is so rare these days, I believe it's more valuable than any boxed gift.
The closest family we have to us lives a 10-hour drive away, so we don't get much family time. My mum lives even further away, 1800kms north, and I'm making the conscious effort to "be" with her via Skype chats.
This year my dad and step-mum are flying back to Aus from USA for a few weeks, they have a busy schedule to visit family all over, so we have three days with them here. I hope they find their three days with us full of memory making moments, and that we are able to "be there" for them as we host them in our new home (which they haven't seen yet)
My elderly neighbour's husband died a few months ago, and your post has prompted me to act on "being" with her on a more regular basis. A cup of tea, a listening ear, a hug.
Since our move here a few years ago, making deep connections with others is slow to happen. We were a bit 'busy' establishing new jobs, opportunities and building a property from the ground up for the first three years.
Now the hardest establishing years are done, we've started to settle in and, again, like you, I would like to receive the presence of 'local' anam cara's
there are many acquaintance friends we have made here, but no deep or soul connections yet)
But while opening heart, mind, and life to receive local anam cara's I am grateful for my non-local soul friends, and the technology that makes keeping connected with them so easy.
Thanks for your friendship across the miles Jan. You gift of 'presence' is appreciated here.
I've given a lot of thought to how my time is being spent these holidays. I'm making it a point to spend more time with the women mentors in my life. My dear mother is no longer with us, but my mother-in-law and my stepmother are both important to me, yet I don't spend enough time with them. My 12-year-old daughter and I have a day planned with my stepmom, and we are going to do a similar day with my MIL. I remember when I was growing up, there were more opportunities for the generations to spend time together. Not as easy to come by now, but so important.
I love the play of words, presence and presents. I think I could be present with my daughter more. I iften find myself wanting to take care of things, and sometimes I need to, but not always.
As always, thank you for the gentle reminder:)
Jan, years ago my husband and I told our children we wanted gifts of time, not material gifts. Since they are all young, starting careers, families and jobs, they were relieved of the pressure of having to buy us something material, we got more of what we wanted, which was time with each of them, and they began to see that what truly counts is a gift given freely from the heart.
This year we are encouraging our grandchildren to take whatever amount they choose from their piggy banks to give to a charity. We have 3 choices for them, or they can stipulate their own. My husband and I will add a bit to their contribution but the point is that at their young ages they will be learning to give back at a time when most children are concerned only with what they are getting.
There's more, but that is enough for one post and I thank you for pointing out how powerful these gifts of time are! You are lucky to still have your Mom. You will never regret the gifts of your time you give her! Enjoy! And many blessings to you at this special time of year!
The gift of one's loving time is so much more meaningful than a store-bought sweater, isn't it? Time spent with those you love will keep you warm for a lifetime of memories. I'm going to see Gramma tomorrow (she's my ex-hubs' grandmother, but she and I claim each other as family anyway). She's 94 and her time with me is such a gift! Her stories keep me captivated. I'd love to spend more time with my 80-year-old father. His wife makes it difficult, so I cherish every time we can manage it. I think the best gift of all would be an afternoon with just my daughter and I, just like when I was raising her as a single parent and it was just the two of us doing everything together.
This is a beautiful post. I have no money this year and I mean none, so I have to find other ways of giving and my time is one of those things. It manifests in many different ways, but this is my gift to all my dear ones. xoxo
Tabitha,
A lovely Christmas intention, presentless, but with your beloved grandmother and more. I hope that you get your wish. Blessings!
Darla,
Our mothers are so very special, aren't they...and extra dear as they age. Your wish for your granddaughter is just lovely. May it be so!
Nadia,
Awesome solution! Cookies are the best gifts. Made my first batch last week, though we pretty much ate them, sent one batch off to my daughter at school, have to get cookin') I am confident the recipients of your efforts will truly appreciate this homemade gesture of love.
Christine,
I applaud your intention of presence with your mom, especially because there have been issues in the past. Good for you!
I agree with your choice of a true sense of spiritual community. Those who have them in the physical are very blessed. Some of us, who live far away from such, can do our best to stay centered in love, to be the love that we wish to experience and share...the only way I know to commune with others effectively. Wrangling with words is not my cup of tea either. :-)If I find a blog site like that, I tend to move on. :-) Here's a bit whoosh of love to you!
Kel,
Seems both of us are extremely grateful for long distance anamcara friends.(I do love that word!) Through the ethers, we get to hold each other in thought, heart, and prayer. Your intentionality to be a loving and caring presence to others is wonderful to read, especially to your elderly neighbor. I am sure that she would adore tea and cookies with you anytime. Holiday blessings!
Karen,
I agree, that time can be limited to make these important connections. But we really must, eh? So vital to the well-being of others and ourselves. Being together in this way honors the "institution" of true friendship and mentoring. May your relationships continue to be blessed!
Gifts that don't clutter... the gift of self, of time, of action, of charity... these are the gifts that matter. You can read more about the gift of charity here: http://organize-more-stress-less.squarespace.com/home/2009/8/25/the-perfect-gift.html
Hi Jan .. how absolutely right you are .. more time with family and friends. I've so appreciated my time with my mother .. and my father would have been 90 thisyear - sadly he died 31 years ago .. his brother still lives - but I don't see him very often.
I feel better now I only have one to care for .. and feel able to participate instead of being completely exhausted and disinterested in life .. so time and small presents it will be.
It's blessings to all with a smile and a thankyou ..
Thought provoking - and certainly the comments reflect that ..
all the best Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters Inspirational Stories
The gift of presence, sharing a special dinner, Christmas shopping on a weekday morning, watching a movie. These gifts are the ones we'll remember, the ones we reminisce about. Presence makes up such an essence in our lives. In my family, we planned to take care of so much of our Christmas responsibilities, shopping, decorating, early on, even before Thanksgiving, so that we have an unrushed, peaceful Christmas season, enjoying quiet moments together at home, on daytrips, without pressure during the season. It's worth that effort so that we can "just be" in these weeks.
Jan, so much shared I agree with.
My mother, grandmother and favorite aunt have all passed away.
Seems I am the matriarch of this family. At least my son said "your a young one mama".
I have told my children the only gift I want is their time. Occasionally drive to the country and take me to lunch. Listen to me - even if I repeat the same story. That's it. One Woman has to rest from the final big move.
What a beautiful post, as always, Jan. This year, I've decided to cut way back on presents. But you made me realize that even though I won't be giving "stuff" to my niece I see each year, for example, I can play games with her, or watch her favorite DVDs with her, etc. The stuff I usually say, "I'm busy now, so ask your brother," is better met with, "Yes I'd love to!"
For me at this point in my life, I know that presence is much more important than presents. That's how I celebrated my October birthday: I asked my boyfriend to simply be with me, completely and totally in mind, body & soul (he has a tendency to be distracted sometimes so truly it was a gift to get his full attention). We did some of my favorite things and he was, indeed, present the entire time. It was the best day I can recall in a long, long while.
Isn't it ironic that in the run up to Christmas there is no time available for those precious boxless presents!? The funny thing is that this year in New Zealand - it just doesn't feel like Christmas and consequently I have done very little shopping. I think you are right - we need to find ways of spending time with people we love. I do this through Skype to my rels across the ocean! Although I have to say that there is nothing quite like a long and chatty letter from a loved one for a kind of 'psuedo presence' when living far apart!
Ahhh Jan...I was just having a conversation with my youngest (about to turn 13 on Thursday) about Presents and Presence...What is more valuable? We agreed that Presence...being with those we love is a gift worth far more than material goods. I reminder her that when she was born her Nana (my Mom) was going through treatment for breast cancer...and now, 13 years later she is coming with Pop Pop to visit for her birthday...Now THATS what I'm talkin' about!!!
I love your idea of a "to be" list...one I would like to share with my coaching clients...hope you don't mind...it's just great!
gentle steps,
Laura
Mermaid,
Your intention to be more present with your daughter is so lovely. May you two find some very special moments together this holiday season.
Diantha,
Another beautiful intention for family time. I so appreciate the invitation you offer your grandchildren for being philanthropic and generous. A beautiful idea, any time of year!
Rose,
I will hope that you receive all 3 of these heart-touching wishes of presence for the holidays — and beyond! Your elderly loved ones sound so precious. May you enjoy them while they are here, still in form. :-)
Post a Comment