A Guest Expert on Parenting and Book Giveaway~
If you love kids and are passionate about their well-being, you are going to want to learn about my special guest,
Dr. Mark Brady, and his invaluable guides to parenting.
Mark believes that raising our children is the most important job on the planet. I'd call this viewpoint "Awakened Parenting," wouldn't you? As a former educator and the parent of three, I sure do!
Mark is a social neuroscientist who writes the weekly
"Committed Parent" column on the Internet. I love his column. He is the author of many books and professional papers, too. Three of his latest books are:
A Little Book of Parenting Skills, A Father’s Book of Listening, and Safe and Secure: A Guide to Parenting with the Brain in Mind.
He's also written two marvelous books on listening, which as a spiritual mentor AND a parent, I'm finding essential to my calling: Right Listening, and an anthology, The Wisdom of Listening, published by Wisdom Publications. All of his writing is rooted in mindfulness and compassion.
Mark has crafted a thought-provoking (and very clever!) post for us. And he's offered to give away 6 books! 3 each of "Safe and Secure..." and "The Little Book..." So leave a comment here and you'll be eligible to win. Thank you, Mark! So generous of you. Happy reading, everyone!
Baby, You Can Drive My Car
by Mark Brady, Ph.D.
There’s a growing, quiet movement in this country of people advocating for the licensing of parents. We license drivers, pilots, doctors, plumbers, carpenters, bricklayers and bodyworkers, the argument goes, so why not parents? While I’m not personally an advocate for licensing, I am in favor of educating parents, especially with so much new information coming out of the social neurosciences that suggests that parents can and do play a very significant role in early brain development, one that turns out to have lifelong implications affecting everything from learning ability, to social and emotional intelligence, to life longevity.
In light of this perspective on licensing parents, I thought it might be fun to take half a dozen rules of the road and examine them from a social neuroscience perspective as a means of shining a light on some important basic concepts. So here goes:
Road Rule Number One: Don’t drive while distracted
Yong children need proactive parental involvement and supervision much more than we ever suspected. Children’s brains are significantly impacted by how the people around them respond to their needs and their spontaneous behaviors. Mimicry and mirror neuron development rely heavily on parental response, especially with young children.
Road Rule Number Two: Don’t run stop signs
Excessive or sustained stress is the number one inhibitor of neural growth and connectivity, something the brain naturally wants to do. We are hardwired to connect. Kids are constantly letting us know when their immature, developing neuro-capacities have reached or exceeded their current limits, a capacity that is different and unique at different times for every child. Forcing or requiring kids to do things they are neurologically ill-equipped to do, is an example of running their “Stop Signs.”
Road Rule Number Three: Don’t Drink and Drive
One of the prime drivers of neural integration and secure attachment in young children is something called Contingent Communication. Any time we as parents use drugs or alcohol, our capacity for contingent communication with our kids is severely compromised. We just can’t connect. Nor can they connect with us. Lack of connection, as identified in the previous Road Rule leads to significant neural impoverishment.
Road Rule Number Four: Perform Regular Maintenance Checks
All of our brains are continually doing their best to get one question answered, “Yes.” I call this The Big Brain Question, and that question is: “Are you there for me?” It’s rung number one on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Trouble shows up in our relationships with friends, family, colleagues and children, when the answer to this question is anything but a resounding “Yes.” Look in your own life and see if this isn’t true. One thing we can do to answer this question “Yes” for our kids is to regularly check in and listen to them. Find out how they’re doing; what might be stressing them; where their current growing edges might be.
Road Rule Number Five: Don’t Speed
Kids aren’t simply smaller versions of adults. They each have their own internal clocks, processing speeds and capacities for learning. Some people think children were put on the planet to offer adults the opportunity to learn patience and other important spiritual practices, like selflessness and forgiveness.
Road Rule Number Six: Give Advance Warning When Changing Lanes or Turning
Transitions are critical times for many of us. They can be especially challenging for children. By providing advance warning of impending changes, from stopping an evening’s activity and getting ready for bed, to moving to a new house, to preparing for the birth of a sibling, to starting a new school or day care, kids need as much creative, child-centered preparation as we can give them.
Road Rule Number Seven: Communicate with Other Drivers (We under-promise and over deliver! ☺)
If there was one thing I would make mandatory for parents in order for them to become licensed (if I actually was an advocate for that), it would be to regularly get together with other parents of same-aged children. Much of the work of being a parent is growing and overcoming the limitations of our own childhoods, and there is little better to help with that than supportive, kindred spirits facing up to and moving through similar parenting challenges.
So there you have them – a few
Rules of the Road for effective parenting. I hope you find them useful.
Mark and I are eager to hear your thoughts ...
(And don't forget to leave a comment to be entered into the Giveaway for one of his books!)
To learn more about Dr. Mark Brady and his work, or to subscribe to his newsletter, visit his site:
http://committedparent.wordpress.com. You can e-mail him at paideia@gmail.com.
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