Radical Self-Forgiveness ~ A Guest and a Giveaway

A challenging, but oh, so important topic, dear friends, to talk about transparently ... 

Self-forgiveness.

As hard as we try to be very "good" people, we do make mistakes. Despite good intentions, we make unskillful choices and sometimes we hurt others. We cause harm ...

An important new book has been released on the topic: How do we forgive ourselves? And how do we move toward greater self-acceptance considering our history, or our self-sabotaging beliefs or actions?

Colin Tipping is the celebrated author of Radical Forgiveness. His new book is Radical Self-Forgiveness: The Direct Path to Self-Acceptance. It is a powerful and very practical approach for learning how to forgive ourselves and moving toward greater healing. It is a real "manual" for resolving our deepest personal wounds and inviting spiritual transformation.

I hope you will glean insights from this short article by Colin Tipping. In collaboration with his publisher, we're giving away a copy of Radical Self-Forgiveness, so leave a comment here to be eligible to win. I am eager to hear what you have to say about his "Three-Letters Process." I find it quite remarkable...

 

The Three-Letters Process for Radical Self-Forgiveness

By Colin Tipping

With Radical Forgiveness, the decision to let go, release guilt, shame, or resentment, feel compassion for yourself and others, and all the other things people say you should do is not yours (your ego’s) to make. It happens automatically when you use the tools, all of which take you through five stages, whether you are doing the work as a victim (Radical Forgiveness) or a perpetrator (Radical Self-Forgiveness):

1. Telling the story (as perpetrator)

2. Feeling the feelings (guilt and shame)

3. Collapsing the story (appropriate or not?)

4. Reframing the story (seeing the perfection)

5. Integrating the shift (physical action)

The first three stages will be familiar to those doing traditional self-forgiveness, but it is the last two that mark the uniqueness of Radical Self-Forgiveness. They spring from a wholly different worldview and, in fact, make Radical Forgiveness more than mere forgiveness, self or otherwise; to experience it is to see the world quite differently and to open to a whole new way of looking at life.

Radical Self-Forgiveness is not a selfish act, it is about letting go of a part of your ego that has negative control over you, and it will release you to be able to better forgive others in a more radical way.

As Rebecca Beard so wisely stated, “If we are to love others as we love ourselves, then we must learn to love the little self which so often needs to be forgiven for doing the things we do not want to do and saying the things we do not want to say.”

Writing three distinct letters to yourself is a powerful way to help you go through the five stages of Radical Self Forgiveness, especially when you are experiencing a lot of guilt or shame.

I suggest that you wait one day between writing each letter, but not more than 48 hours. Please note: If you are writing the letters from a victim’s standpoint, you must never send any of the three letters to the person you are forgiving. I recommend destroying them after having written the third one.

1.     As the self-confessed perpetrator of some injury against another person or entity, you must write the first letter to yourself, lambasting yourself for what you have done. Guess whose services you will solicit to help you write this letter? Of course, your judg­ing self. Your judging self will relish the task and will launch a tirade of criticism against you, trying hard to make you feel as guilty as possible. It will feel as if you are channeling your judging self when writing this letter.
 

2.     In the second letter, begin to retire the judg­ing self to some degree and start channeling your inner lover. This alternate opinion will provide some counterpoint to your judging self’s strident criticism by bringing some compassion and under­standing to your situation, sufficient at least to reduce the level of guilt and shame within you and for you to feel accepted.
 

3.     In the third letter, which is the reframe, you write to your I Am Self. In this letter, you recognize that what you did was meant to happen for whatever reason and declare your understanding that there is nothing for which you need to be forgiven at the spiritual level.

Over the years, I and my team have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that even though people write things in their third letter they don’t really believe at the mental and emotional levels, their Spiritual Intelligence knows that it is the truth. Consequently, it allows the energy tied up in the illusion to automatically dissolve. They feel better immediately, no matter whether the guilt was appropriate or not.

Colin Tipping is the author of Radical Self-Forgiveness: The Direct Path to True Self-Acceptance (January 2011, Sounds True, ISBN: 978-1-60407-090-3). For more information, visit RadicalSelfForgiveness.com.

You may enjoy listening to an interview with Colin Tipping and Sounds True founder, Tami Simon, "Radical Forgiveness."  It is excellent! 
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